dreamlessboi on Xanga

Weblog

Tuesday, 09 February 2010

being Chinese

sometimes i don't understands what's the deal with Chinese..... i mean i do, but it just frustrates the heck out of me.... it seems like chinese parents all they care about for their children is to have "security" in their life... therefore only Chinese parents would encourage their kids to pursue a career in the govt sector, not because you are changing lives of people or making an impact in the world, BUT because the job is reliable, safe, good benefits, good retirement program... is that all life is about? security? there's way too many things in out lives that is out of our control but yet us Chinese love to CONTROL... that is also why the few acceptable jobs in Asian culture is Doctor, Engineer, Lawyer, Businessman, etc. not because you are making an impact in the world but because it makes GOOD MONEY and good money = security

that's the problem with chines kids these days! lack of creativity, self-centered, afraid to venture out...

when i put this in terms with theology (at least my flawed and misconstrued version), it is the worst way to be a Christian... security = we build a big huge church and chill happily together in the comfort of the bubble away from the outside world, security = lack of passion and motivation = lukewarm christian = those that get spit out at the end

anyways what good am I being critical since i'm Chinese as well, and i found into this endless cycle of wanting to control my security in my life, i wonder what it is really like to let go of everything and let God take over... that's faith

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

water hazard + now i sort of understand how noah felt

what a day..... us californians are spoil... and yes huge consecutive rainy days like these past few days wreck our lives......

so today there was no meeting after school and i was ready to take off @ 3pm... then suddenly students started flooding into my classroom.... and when i looked out my window... it started pouring again.... i thought to myself that it's fine since i'm still dealing with a troubled student and could let them stay while i finish my dealios.....

then pouring rain turned into pouring cats and dogs and there were screaming outside..... i saw a couple more students trying to hide from the rain outside but still getting soaked by the unforgivable rain..... i quickly yell to them to take cover inside my classroom.... as i reflected on it...... i guess that was what noah felt when he finished his ark and wanted the people to come in to join him.... he cared about those souls and didn't want them to be washed away (KILLED) by the rain/flood....

so students were working on their hw or chatting as the rain poured on.... i looked outside my door...... it's flooding.... about 2 inch high of water has gathered on the corridor outside my class.... it was inevitable that those water are going to rush in any second....... it did.... by the time all the students' parents/guardians came to pick them up..... half my class was flooded.....

checked sigalert before leaving for home and found that there are multiple accidents on the 60 fwy so i decided to take the local streets back..... then... one wrong turn (shortcut) in front of me was a dip that is flooded...... i thought.. "been there, done that, just drive straight through"... half way through the intersection the engine shut off, the power went out.... i panicked, i quickly restart the car, didn't work... the car slowly drifted about 2 feet forward but still stuck in the intersection with water gushing straight at my car.... HO DANG

so i thought... "ok maybe i could get out of the car, and push the car out of the intersection (and flood)"..... didn't work nothing move... did i mention the flood was knee deep! dialed 911 and they say they will send someone over just don't know when.... as i waited i watch water rushing towards my car..... i thought... this car is a goner.... water will soon flood in..... i'll be soaked.... and i'll be stuck in this rural street (surrounded by farms and a small airport)......

search and rescue came in 5mins (at least that's what i thought), in his truck..... search and rescue guy pulled my car out of the "river" but couldn't tow me back home since it's just a pick up...... waited in the cold for dad to come, waited for another hour for AAA to come.....

sigh what was originally a shortcut became a 2.5hour trip home + a damaged car

at least there were some blessings.....

1. car died at the intersection with cellphone reception...... if my car died in the next flooded area 1/2 a mile down with a longer stretch of flood, i would be stuck with no cellphone reception and i would have to swim my way out to safety
2. search and rescue came quickly
3. family friend let us use their AAA (will apply for one tomorrow)
4. got back home eventually with the car (could have been abandoned)
5. saved some kids from getting soak (dang my spoiling my kids)
6. got some work done since i was stuck @ school with the kids, so now i can actually write this blog, take a nice hot shower later and maybe spend at most 2 hours preping for tomorrow, instead of 3hours
7. alive!

Friday, 04 December 2009

experiencing God by being Satan's Minion

quick post here before going back (starting) my lesson plans for tomorrow (later today)..

this week had been a hellish week... tired every day... unmotivated (like my students) everyday... scraping for lessons at last minute... and being half prepared... sigh... i guess having your favorite girl away does take a toll on you (mentally)

have been skipping morning devotions with co-workers the past 4 mornings because i am doing last minute prep work before students start flooding in..... Thank God tomorrow's Friday...

so just as I am struggling through my tired and busy-ness... i thought about skipping high school chapel today's afternoon as well (just because i don't need to be there and i could a)run some errands b) do some grading c)plan some lessons d) take a nap e)etc. ) but here comes Brandon asking me to play "Satan's minion" in today's chapel (because Satan, our Vice-Principal, wasn't here today, and yes he is the only other asian guy on staff, so i am naturally his replacement)... i reluctantly agreed... so i had fun creeping students out with my satan's minion outfit... and it was great hearing "Jesus" (our bible teacher) make his arguments on hell..... how it is not really a scary, morbid, lava burning place... but it is about the eternally desolation from God (which was revealed to me @ one of the classes at Biola last year, actually earlier this year)...

what was great about today's chapel is that i am force to stay for the 2nd chapel as well (for middle school chapel) to replay my role..... and as i set and be "quiet" for the first time this week..... i felt His presence... i felt that i am not in eternal desolation and isolation from Him..... and that He wants me to be closer with Him (even though i have been pushing it off with my busy excuse)... yet today... because of being satan's minion..... He approached me first... and i felt His warm presence.... i needed that...

Saturday, 19 September 2009

God answered prayers even before I prayed

the month of school ended, it was good... tiring but good... and very much blessed... and i do experience mad strength from God each day because I am mad tired every day running on an average of 4-5hours of sleep and using my voice for 5 hours everyday...
one burden that i had as i began teaching is to share the Good Word with the Chinese International students... there were so many of them... but yet none of them are believers... and when I see them at chapel, they look so uninterested at His words... I wanted to invite them to Lamb (my Chinese speaking highschool/college fellowship) but I wonder how...
today a student of mine came, God brought her, she didn't even know I go there... I'm pretty sure she's going to go back to school monday and go tell all her friends "I HEARD MR LU SPOKE CHINESE!!!!!" I hope that she will continue to come and even bring her classmates with her...
On the drive back home... I was again burdened to share this great love that I've receive with my students... and I was thinking HOW??? Then i thought the students are probably so turned off by chapel because they are turned off by the English Language, because to these international students, English = work, English = not fun... and i thought... how bout I start a Chinese chapel at my school... maybe like a once a month thing? I do want to, and my heart began to burn (the passionate kinda burn)... this will my prayer for the next few months, to see if the school would consider that, and i have enough power (i am sure if this is God's will I will have) but the commitment to do that.... i hope i can start soon, so these seniors will not graduate without having God touch their hearts at all....

Friday, 11 September 2009

i just wonder...

lately... i'm involved in two contradicting theology and it does frustrates me... one which i strongly believe is "We keep doing what we are doing (esp it's God's ministry) unless God says stop"... the other is "We pray and do nothing unless God specifically indicates so"
truthfully speaking... the second one frustrates the heck out of it, it even comes to the point of being annoyed by it... why you ask... because for one, why stop something that's good just because there's no specific answer... i mean it's not like I pray every morning to ask God if I should do devotions this morning and if there's no response I don't do it.. or we pray if we should have a Sunday service this Sunday and if God doesn't answer we just don't do it... for me... if it's a ministry, and God has shown proof that He bless this ministry... then just do it! continue to do it until God sets a fire or earthquake or speaks to you personally and say don't do it.... there shouldn't be a struggle... I don't see Paul stopping to pray to God if he should continue to preach the gospel... no he just kept going, if something stopped in his path... God guided him to somewhere else... but in no where did Paul just stopped and ask "Hey God, should I continue to preach in your name?"
say I'm bias.. but I am, because I've not heard about the other side... so maybe I need to